


A Note From Zevran

by AntivanLeather



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Generic Warden mentioned, Smutty, Suicide Attempt, Violence, mention of public sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:48:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntivanLeather/pseuds/AntivanLeather
Summary: Zevran wrote a note before he planned to face the Warden.
Kudos: 1





	A Note From Zevran

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for victim-blaming self.

I was used to being wanted solely for my body, to lying, to seducing, to manipulating to get what I want. What I haven’t experienced for many years is being truly desired for what I am – mistakes included. I’ve done some truly fucked up things in my life, and I tease and deceive and pretend that I don’t care – but I do. I saw some things from a young age that truly affected me – someone getting their stomach slit open in front of me, the wound great and gaping, their entrails spilling out. I remember vomiting afterwards in disgust, before being slapped and told to “stop whining” and to “shut the fuck up” as “this was all necessary – and the sooner you realise that the better". It didn’t take long to become deadened.

A week later the person who admonished me took be aside and told me that I had to continue my education. I nodded – this made sense, I surely needed as much education in the rules of assassination as possible. But I didn’t know why we’d come to a what was very much obviously a bedroom – I knew what sex was, obviously, but I didn’t know why It needed to be taught to me. I knew how to have sex, naturally – I couldn’t help it, seeing as I grew up in a whorehouse. Why I needed to enter the bedroom with this person I didn’t know. Maybe if I didn’t follow his directions what happened next would never have occurred. But I did, and it did. He asked me to pull my trousers and pants down and lie down on the bed. I did as I was asked, dreading what I knew what was going to happen before it did. I heard him moving about, pulling his clothes down and positioning himself behind me. Bastard didn’t even bother to use oil. Oh, it hurt. For a while I wasn’t there, I was drifting above my body somehow, my body making the appropriate noises and movements until I heard him grunt, felt him finish. He stood up and demanded that I do so to. We both grabbed our clothes while he explained that he did what he did because, I quote, “Crows have to do difficult things to survive”. I nodded jerkily -before I returned to my shared room, still in pain, to clean myself up. I knew from that point on that something had shifted in me, that I would never be the same again.

It wasn’t until later on that I realised that it could be pleasurable, hands-scrunched-in-sheets pleasurable, both of us moving and gasping and reaching for that flashpoint, my hard cock pressing against the sheets or sometimes the ground, the fluid that released when I came into my lover’s hand – or mouth - physical evidence of my pleasure. Sometimes I would be penetrating them, or maybe we’d take turns jerking each other off, or sucking each other off, or anything else that worked with whoever I was fucking at the time. To be honest, it was often pretty public – hard to have privacy when you live like I did. Plus, it was made the clean-up easier. 

I wish I could say that that was the only time that happened to me, but that would be a lie. It seemed a recurring pattern – I would lure out people, often human, and have to give up control of my body to them. I guess elves are good enough to fuck and rape but not good enough to date, yes? I understood occasionally just why the Dalish decided to live apart from humans – but I knew that they would never accept me. I’m a whore’s son, and an assassin, and I don’t think that the Dalish require someone of my questionable skills. Nor would they want one, I think. I’m also not so naïve to think that they would accept be based on my heritage. I sometimes wonder what could have been had I joined the Dalish, but dwelling on past events is useless, no? Anyway, what’s the use of doing so when you killed one of your lovers under the orders of your other? I had two lovers once, and now I have none. My fault, really, but at least I don’t have to deal with the shame anymore – Grey Wardens are hard to kill, yes? Well, I certainly won’t put up much of a fight. They’ll kill me and will comment on how useless an assassin I am – or, rather, was.   
If anyone finds this note, feel free to read it, or burn it, or whatever. I won’t know for I’ll be dead. 

Zevran


End file.
